I have a band. I have a dream of being a rock star, which started out as a shining beacon of light and hope. But that beacon has grown dimmer and dimmer the older I get. Now it is all but gone, squashed by the realities of life, responsibilities and time. I am relegated to the status of "hobbyist" with my music and just enjoy the process of making it. I guess I'll keep the day job; it's comfortable and provides for my family. My life isn't bad, in fact it's pretty good for the most part.
But here's the thing. EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, who do I see? Thats right. Dave Grohl. Everything I've dreamed of doing he has done. I can't get away from it. The moment I try to accept my lot in life, I see Dave Grohl's face in Time magazine or I hear a Foo Fighter's song on the radio, reminding me of my failed attempt at rock super stardom. I figured it's about time I get this out of my system once and for all by voicing my secret envies, petty though they may be. So here it is to start: The top 21 reasons why I hate Dave Grohl.
- He's a rock star.
- His JOB is to rock out. (Let's just say my job isn't quite so exciting).
- He's a proven drummer, guitarist, singer, performer and, since the last album, a pianist. What can't this guy do?
- The dude can't write a bad song.
- He was in the band that single handedly changed the face of popular music.
- Because of that, he's a shoe-in for the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame (along with Krist Novoselic and the late Kurt Cobain).
- He's been on the cover of Rolling Stone, oh, I don't know, a MILLION times!
- He's the stand up comic of rock 'n roll.
- He's the George Clooney of rock 'n roll. (Am I the only one who sees this? He's got the same toothy grin, self-deprecating sense of humor, he's the top of his field and everyone wants to work with him. Okay, so he's happily married with two kids and not the consummate bachelor like Mr. Clooney I'll give you that).
- When Courtney Love attacks him in the press he responds in some sort of classy way.
- Everyone loves him. (Except me of course. And possibly Courtney Love, although I bet there's more of a love/hate thing going on there).
- He's "the nicest guy in rock 'n roll." (Maybe he's the Tom Hanks of rock 'n roll...nah.)
- He's got one of the greatest screams in rock 'n roll. (When I scream it sounds like a mix between John Fogerty and Wierd Al Yankovic).
- He sings soft ballads with the best of them too! What gives?
- He makes Neil Young tear up when he sings.
- Not only does he write great songs, the arrangements are fantastic. (Compare a Foo Fighters song to a Weezer song to see what I mean - nothing against Weezer, I love those guys. I would've said compare them to my band, but the reference would have been lost on most people).
- Now that he's started Them Crooked Vultures with John Paul Jones he gets to play with 1/4 of Led Zeppelin.
- He's played with Brian May, Tom Petty, Jimmy Page, Kurt Cobain, Josh Homme, Jack Black and, oh forget it, the list is too long.
- He's rich.
- He tours the world.
- Along side Steven Tyler, he's one of the most charasmatic front men around. (Hmm...Dave Grohl the new singer for Aerosmith? Okay, bad idea).
I hate Dave Grohl.
Editor's Note: Before leaving a profanity laced comment full of grammar and spelling errors telling me to get a life, that I'm a loser, that Dave Grohl is a great guy and what is my problem, etc., etc, I would ask you to slow down, take a deep breath and actually read this article or if you have read it (maybe a little quickly), read it again until you are in on the joke.
Or you can go directly to buy Brother Howe American Man at our store.